trulyaurora asked:
What would you encourage for young women to lookout for in relationships? What are red flags you would emphasize on?
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hermajestyimher answered:
Always, and I mean always, pay close attention to a man’s character. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.
Many men in this world are complete sociopaths. They will say whatever they need to make you feel wanted and proceed to manipulative you and get out of you whatever they want with no regards for you as a person. For this reason, don’t take his compliments or the things he says he will do too seriously, always look at his actions. Don’t tell him to take you out, communicate effectively, be by your side whenever you need support, protect you, etc. Instead, watch what he would rather do. That will let you know all you need to know about his character.
Another thing I’ve learned this year: men love to talk about themselves and give unwarranted opinions that can let you know a lot about who he is a person, his values, and his belief system. Whenever you are going out to eat with him, or in any setting where conversations take place, don’t say too much, pretend to be very agreeable and nod to what he says. Allow him to feel comfortable to speak as much and as truthfully as he wants to you. The vast majority of trash men have very little self-awareness and will almost certainly let you know of their misogynistic, bigoted, or hateful opinions. They may also let you know is subtle ways about their true intentions with you. All you have to do is listen. Give them the string, and they will hang themselves.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to immediately cut off any man that doesn’t meet your non-negotiable standards or who crosses your boundaries. Understand that we live in a world of abundance and who you get now is who you’ll get in the future. Don’t waste your precious time with someone who is not meant for you. The right gentleman is out there, but you must be free from the wrong men if you want to be available for him.
MODERN TRENDS.
Here is a list of 10 damaging societal trends to avoid:
1 - Copy-pasting aesthetics and losing all personality (e.g. "that girl" clones who all do Pilates and drink green smoothies).
2 - Narcissism ("I am perfect"/"everyone is obsessed with me"/"I am the centre of the universe" etc). True narcissists are self-absorbed parasites who need intense therapy.
3 - Manifestation ("I am God/reality is an illusion/my thoughts and feelings influence reality/quantum realm" etc). This is a combination between new age pseudoscience, Hinduism, Magical Thinking (seek therapy) and Neville Goddard's work. This is a huge $$$ business and gurus make millions selling courses/books/etc. This can HARM you when it comes to taking action. E.g. you will not lose weight through writing it on a piece of paper, you lose weight through eating better and working out.
4 - Idolising people (celebs, influencers, rich people, etc). Nobody is above you. We all eat and sleep and breathe the same oxygen. Stop putting people on a pedestal and worshipping them.
5 - Posting everything online. Not everyone should see your private moments and thoughts, start living in the real world, stop sharing with strangers/people who will sabotage you.
6 - Getting political/educational information from SOCIAL MEDIA. That unhinged Twitter user posting radical content has never socialised with real people or read the source material. Have they even read the books/studies/manifestos? Or just repeating rhetoric from the echo-chamber?
7 - Casual hook-up culture. Studies show it decreases self-esteem. You're also (as a woman) giving undeserving men your most important source of leverage. What are you getting out of it? Aside from STDs and pregnancy scares?
8 - Internet 24/7. Turn off notifications, log out of social media, set timers on things. Read a book, take a walk, pick up a physical hobby, etc. Remember companies harvest time, which is your one most precious (limited) resource.
9 - Consumerism. Buying a new handbag won't fill the void in your soul, stop trying. Shiny new things give us a short rush then we go back to mundane. Buy a few quality items and find joy from other sources.
10 - Chasing fame. The internet is now saturated with wannabe-'influencers', IG models, Youtubers, TikTokers. Popularity will not give you the validation you crave. The followers you gain will put you on a perfection pedestal and then rip you down and devour you whole. It's isolating, it's false love, and once they're done with you the crowd will move on to someone else.
If you disagree with this list, don't tell me. I don't care. To everyone else, I hope this helps you find value.
Mia.
This list is perfect. I could not agree more with every one of her points.
paigecchanel asked:
Do you have any advice or tips for saving and budgeting?
hermajestyimher answered:
Live below your means. Basically don’t try to spend more than what you should in things that are pointless and vain, especially not if it’s with the intent of impressing others on social media and the likes.
I live in Canada, the cost of living in this country is through the roof, and I oftentimes can’t help but feel flabbergasted that many people my age don’t have any investments (or at least plans to), or a savings account, mostly due to imbalanced priorities. Many people choose to rent places that take up over half of their monthly income and go every weekend to party and spend money on alcohol and Ubers. They pay $80 bucks each month on a phone plan and $40 on their iPhone bill, when they could get a cheaper plan and refurbished phone and save much more money.
There should be no reason why any grown adult should prioritize leisure over basic necessities, especially when their finances are strained. Investments and/or savings are a necessity. You will not be able to leave the money rat race unless you cement the foundations for your life in the future, and financial literacy is key to this. Sure, you only live once and our 20s shouldn’t be used solely to work without taking times to relax and enjoy life, but one has to be mindful that every action has a consequence and nobody will come to rescue us from our bad habits and choices.
Some practical tips on budgeting and savings:
* Don’t spend more than 40% of you post-taxed income on rent. Get roommates or stay with relatives if you must. Save as much as you can on rent.
* Some people may be triggered by this but I honestly don’t care. Don’t waste your money on alcohol or drugs.
* Look into opening a tax free savings accounts in your country of residency and put at least 10-20% of your monthly income there if you can. If you can’t, any small percentage can help.
* Place your tax free savings on long-term, low-risk investments that can compound in the future. The S&P500 is a famous and safe bet, but I would consult and partner with a financial advisor for this as each person’s particular financial situation will vary. As an adult independent woman, having a financial advisor should be a priority.
* Download a good Excel spread sheet with charts and fields to populate and track your monthly spending. These are easily found in many places online and are not hard to use. Give yourself a baseline of how much you wish to spend on a particular item monthly and try to stick to it as much as you can. This will also give you a rough idea of how much money you will have left to save and invest into your portfolio.
* Stop trying to compete with people’s highlight reals and quit the superficial rate race of social media. The dumbest way to go broke is to do it trying to impress people who don’t like you and who are not worth it.
* Finally, consume as much content as you can on financial literacy. There are tons of books and podcasts out there to help you with this. Having the right mindset when it comes to managing your money will be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future self with thank you in the future.
This Is How We Will Own 2023:
We're less than a month away from the New Year, and as such, it is important that we begin to set the foundations and plans we have to not only succeed, but make 2023 a memorable year.
Regardless of how 2022 went for you, regardless of how many goals you were able to achieve, a new year marks a new beginning. Do not beat yourself over how things went, focus on how you can improve them moving forward.
In 2023 we're:
- Spending less time being passive scrollers online. The pandemic is over, the world is back in action and so must we. It's time to stop letting our minds be consumed by the opinions of thousands of people on the internet. More often than not, the things we read online come from the psyche of mentally unwell individuals, and given social media's tendency to prompt out the voices of the most unhinged, it gives people that shouldn't have a platform a false sense of authority. In 2023 we're getting off the grid as much as we can and reconnecting with the real world. We will not allow this online façade to swallow us into its void any longer.
- Spending more time learning and engaging in high-end activities and hobbies that can elevate our social circle and our taste. Things like polo matches, pilates, ballet, opera, piano classes, poetry, political forums, martial arts, and high-intensity sports, among other things. It is crucial to cultivate a persona that engages in a variety of fulfilling activities that can bring us joy but also help us grow as individuals.
- Prioritizing our health and fitness. No more excuses, it's time to cut down on added sugar and refined carbs, time to eat more nutrient-dense whole foods, drink plenty of water daily, invest in vitamin injections every other month, take supplements to improve our body's collagen production, and overcome feelings of laziness by pushing ourselves through fitness goals. 2023 we will make of the gym our sanctuary.
- Living below our budget and investing as much as we can. If you haven't already, get a financial advisor, develop long and short-term financial goals and get organized with your income. It doesn't matter if in the past you've felt like your financial habits have not been the most adequate, it's never too late to take control of them and be responsible. We owe to ourselves to spend wisely to have the peace of mind financial security brings. Never go broke trying to impress others.
- We're no longer entertaining inadequate men. I must admit I'm guilty of this myself. After years of not dating, getting back into the dating scene has felt extremely disappointing and tiring. Most prospects are simply not up to par with the standards I have and what I want out of my life partner. Sometimes we allow ourselves to become desperate to build these types of romantic relationships that we begin to overlook the things that we really want deep down. In 2023, we're refocusing our attention on living our best lives and being as active as possible in real-life events as touched upon previously, and trust that the right dating prospects will present themselves when we least expect. We attract, we don't chase.
- Finally, we're overcoming negative self-talk patterns that hinder our growth. We're investing in therapy, we're unlearning the limiting beliefs that keep us in bondage to people, routines, and views of the world that are not good for us. We have to put an end to the insidious lie of the scarcity mindset, overcome past traumas, and look forward to the good things that are yet to come.
There are many more things I could add to this list, but for now, these are the things I and I know many of you will find helpful on improving on for the year to come. These lists can come out as intimidating to some people, but we have to remember that we are not expected to become the ideal version of ourselves overnight. Growth is a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires consistency. Each day that you wake up and choose to do one or two things differently you're making stride towards that better you. No improvement is ever too little.
Let's make 2023 a memorable year, and every year afterwards.
Daphne.
